Ode · to · Erin's · Life · in · C · Minor, · 3d · Movement

But I'm getting ahead of myself.  Albuquerque isn't quite as glamorous as New York, but we've definitely had a blast!  We've definitely gotten our kicks on route 66!  From Old Town (Jono's favorite), to Artichoke Cafe (my tummy's favorite), we've had so much fun. Sometimes, like right now in the UNM bookstore, I glance at him and still feel a rush of surprise.  He comes from such a different section of my life and it's odd bridging the gap between Albuquerque and Europe by showing him my past. We've done new things together here as well, like staying in a grimy but sort of charming (at least initially) hostel and visiting the International Rattlesnake Museum and Explora! Museum.

I would be lying if I said we haven't had our fair share of drama since he's been here, too.  I don't feel like going into much detail publicly, but suffice it to say that we're both still getting used to the idea that we aren't exclusive anymore. I'm no longer so sure about anything, really, which I suppose was kind of opposite Jono's intention in coming here.  Nonetheless, I don't think either of us regret the visit because we always have such fun when we're together.  I'm lucky to have him.

Entries from New York to follow!

Current Location:	UNM Bookstore
Current Mood:	giddy
Current Music:	Nat King Cole - Get Your Kicks on Route 66

          JONO IS COMING TO ALBUQUERQUE!

He, in what is definitely the most romantic gesture of which I've ever been the recipient, booked a ticket from London this morning.  He arrives TODAY and I'm giddy with excitement. He said he realized that good things don't just happen and you have to make them happen, which I've definitely been trying to live by lately too. I got home after a long and lovely day with my friend Jesus and saw 2 Facebook messages and an e-mail with Jono's proposed flight plan.  I immediately pointed out the flaws in the plan, but then started to think about it and realized there was a way around all of them. Th next morning, he booked tickets!

We're staying in a hostel near downtown and I'm going to show him all the fun stuff in Albuquerque along with landmarks from my childhood.  Man, I love that boy.

:-)

Current Location:	Albuquerque
Current Mood:	ecstatic
Current Music:	Love of Diagrama - The Pace of Patience

I've met up with so many people lately and tied up so many loose ends. Friends from middle school, my best friend from elementary school, a friend I hardly knew when I left, an ex-boyfriend, said ex-boyfriend's friends, one of whom is now quite hot, and others. I've tried to supplement the usual teenage mall and movie theater diet with trips to the planetarium, natural history museum, UNM campus, meandering walks and bus rides, and long afternoons in coffee shops. I've given up on the idea of an Abercrombie summer to great benefit.

I finished Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, which was kind of a bittersweet experience.  I got the book at a midnight release party because I figured this was my last chance to go to one, and it was pretty much what you'd expect.  Tempting though making fun of the dorks seemed, I realized since I was there I probably had no room to talk. :-) The book itself was pretty good. It had a completely different feel than the others - a frenetic, almost exhausting pace. I thought some of the exposition was clunky and could have been better handled and some of the plot elements seemed unnecessary and badly explained (I'll be more specific in a few weeks when people won't be so touchy about spoilers). Some of the deaths seemed excessive. The epilogue was Hallmark sweet and should have either been omitted entirely or actually fleshed out to more than a few pages. But overall, I really enjoyed it and am looking forward to going back and rereading the series.

I also watched Requiem for a Dream at Jesus' recommendation, and it was amazing in a kind of harrowing and occasionally horrifying way. It's tempting to interpret it as "...and the moral of the story is, don't do drugs", but I think that's missing something. It does have that effect, though. It's odd for me because I occasionally, in dark moments,  feel attracted to the weird glamour of druggie culture and of the promise that drugs can make you not feel anything despite knowing the havoc drugs wreak and their power to destroy people. It's an attraction I've been able to easily overcome so far, but I suppose it's good to have an awareness of it.

This is the most incredible thing I've seen lately.  Watch the 2nd and 3d videos, and start the count down until winter 2007, when they're set to come out.

Current Location:	Albuquerque
Current Mood:	amazed
Current Music:	Paramore - Crushcrushcrush

I had forgotten how much I love Albuquerque and how much it feels like home. It's such a vibrant, fun city and I just wish I were more able to explore it. I feel pretty limited here in the suburbs with family friends, and a lot of the people who I had planned on hanging out with are... not so eager to hang out with me? Maybe they're just bad at making plans or they're really busy. I'm not sure, but it does suck. I miss my family and my friends and feel bored and lonely a good chunk of the time.

I guess in this next week I'll try to master the bus system so I can do things on my own rather than complaining. I also need to start writing more. I was whining to a friend online and he suggested I use this summer as a time to find myself and to reflect rather than being upset about not being invited to parties and living the summer depicted in Abercrombie ads. It's not a bad idea. If I'm honest with myself, I've never been a terribly social person, and the root of my discontent is probably something other than not having plans every night of the week. Besides, once college starts in late August, quiet, unscheduled time will be in short supply. So I'll try to enjoy it now.

Current Location:	west side, Albuquerque
Current Mood:	pensive

Graduation tomorrow, just finished an interminable rehearsal session.
It's not going to be as good as it was last year or the year before since it's in a gym rather than a cathedral. But it's OK. Some drama with class ranks. I'm excited to get the diploma and leave Germany. I like change.

Lots of parties lately. Trying to balance working out and healthy eating with the massive changes happening around me, but I've accepted that my weight loss may just be stalled for a while.

Prom was great. Some drama afterward trying to find the afterparty. Eventually Jono and I gave up and went back to the temporary lodging room to cuddle and sleep -- good decision. We're still breaking up, though, and that's tough. We're dealing with it differently.

The end of the school year went well; I got a B in calculus and "top student" awards in AP Bio, AP Lit, and Model United Nations. I won a few nice scholarships that will help a lot next year. My mom and I moved out of the house in Rohl by ourselves! because we're amazing like that.

Half-marathon in Luxembourg was amazing. My time was alright and the overall experience was incredibly. People lined nearly every kilometer of the route and all the cheering made me feel like a rockstar. Lots of fun.

More updates to follow sporadically. I love all of you who actually read this. :-D

Current Location:	Bitburg Library
Current Mood:	cheerful
Current Music:	Library, but Summer Skin by Death Cab is stuck in my head

Jono and I aren't exactly broken up, but we're complicated. With another two years (at the very least) apart, we're beginning to wonder if the pros of the relationship outweigh the cons. He left yesterday and will be back in six weeks for prom and graduation and after that... who knows? I think we'll end up together and I think we could be really good together, but honestly we have a lot of growing up to do and I want some freedom in college. I'm still going to convert to Judaism because with or without Jono, there's something in it that feels like coming home.

I'm really looking forward to the end of the school year and to the summer. A few days after graduation (June 9th) I'm heading back to Albuquerque with my mom to see friends and family-by-choice. Then, on the 23d of June we're heading to Austin for the UT orientation and to see grandma Gloria (Nick's mom). After that it'll either be back to Albuquerque or to some other city with family so I can work for a few months to offset college costs and keep busy.

Keeping busy seems to be best thing right now -- I feel down over all the uncertainty of my relationships and the future. The two major sucky things about break ups are that it's hard to talk about a break up to the person you're breaking up with, though that's the person you'd most like to talk to about anything and you lose the ability to see into the future. Well, maybe it's more apt to say you realize you never had that ability in the first place. But after two wonderful years with someone it gets hard to see your future without them in it.

After my trip to South Africa where I met all of Jono's family, it seemed so obvious to me that we would do like everybody else in his family does and get married young and stay happily married forever. Now because of a combination of factors, but primarily geography and citizenship, that seems less likely.

I'm grateful for the multitude of memories I have with Jono, but it's hard to listen to a song or walk a path or watch a movie that doesn't make me think of him. The only remedy for that, I suppose, is time and a change of scenery. Fortunately (?), I'll have both of those factors in spades after I leave Germany.

John Stone

1

It is not what she did
at 10 o'clock
last evening

accounts for the smile

It is
that she plans
to do it again

tonight.

2

Only the mouth
all those years
ever

letting on.

3

It's not the mouth
exactly

it's not the eyes
exactly either

it's not even
exactly a smile

But, whatever,
I second the motion.

I´m having fun anyway.

We got to the hospital and were escorted up to the ICU by my cousins, Icky and Cubby (who, for some reason, now prefer to be called “Richard” and “Jacob”). We entered the waiting room that the people who had loved my grandfather had been occupying for the week while the life slowly seeped out of his body. It smelled stale, like dried sweat and cigarette smoke. We hugged and cried on already damp shoulders.

Then we entered the ICU through two big automatic doors. We walked into my grandpa’s room where he was connected by a maze of tubes and wires to 4 or 5 beeping machines, including one doing his breathing for him. We cried more and touched his puffy arms. His eyes were slightly open but not focused on anything. I ran my hands through his wiry silver hair, kissed his forehead, and wondered if there was any use in saying something. Everyone else crammed into the little room talked to him like he was still alive, but I just didn’t see the point.

My step-brother was sobbing in the cold November air outside the hospital. The hospital chaplain came and read random biblical verses to my thoroughly nonreligious family and told us about his dad dying. I held my mom in my arms and stroked her hair as my cousins, aunts and uncles, nieces and nephews, and assorted other family did similar things to try to comfort themselves. My mom made the decision to call in the nurse and doctor who pulled out the tube doing his breathing for him. My tattered family cried, but I had an odd feeling, detached, surgical, and sterile. People don’t die as soon as they’re removed from life support; it can take up to 3 days. Grandpa fought, but not for that long. His lungs begged for breath as his muscles slowly became fatigued from the futile gasping.

My family filed back into the waiting room and eventually our talk became less sad. We had coffee. My parents considered taking us to the hotel since we didn’t know how much longer grandpa might fight. I told them I didn’t want to go. About an hour later, we slowly filed back into grandpa’s room. Nobody told us that the numbers on his monitors were dipping lower and lower, but we all seemed to sense that it was time. We turned out to be right. Everybody cried and my aunt wiped the pink fluid from his lungs off his mouth. Someone accidentally bumped into the little “flush toilet” button and the sound of water swirling in the basin mixed oddly with the sounds of sniffling. And then, a few minutes later, he was gone.

We cried more and finally packed up and left to the hotel. I was more exhausted than I have ever been in my life.

He was a great man, flawed as much as anybody but intelligent, hard-working, and strong. His death isn’t something I would have changed; he spent the last 10 years of his life miserable and ill. I’ve always lived far away from his home of Harrisburg, Illinois, so I never got to know him as an adult. But he knew me and he expected great things from me. He has always been a constant in my life and it’s scary to realize that even a man who was as larger-than-life as him has to die someday. He was 74.

2) How do you usually listen to music? (iPod/Walkman/Stereo/Radio)
Clunky lovely Nomad MP3 player.

3) What is your favorite genre of music and why?
Singer-songwriter pop-folk with a bit of alternative and R&B.

4) What is your opinion on music video shows and music televion?
Videos are usually pretty cool, but the whole "show an attractive half-naked girl dancing and profit" thing is a little repetitive and boring. Music video shows, like Behind the Music or whatever can be entertaining but again can be a bit repetitive.

5) Do you usually agree with who the winners of the Grammy Awards are?
Not really, but I don't follow/care about the Grammys, so it's all gravy.

2. Do you have a favorite "comfort food" and what is it?
Mashed potatoes or chocolate ice cream!

3. Do you have a "comfort activity" and what is it?
Reading a good book or going on a nice, long run.

4. What days depress you and why?
Ones where I don't feel like I have my life under control.

5. What days excite you and why?
Pretty much all of them except those in number 4.

Current Location:	Nick's house
Current Mood:	anxious
Current Music:	Jewel - Stand

wickywoo

[22:18] Elbel1988: put in a good word for me at harvard
[22:18] Sam: are you applying?
[22:18] Elbel1988: i'm not applying, but if they send me a letter invting me to attend
[22:18] Elbel1988: i won't say no
[22:18] Sam: hahahahahahaha
[22:18] Elbel1988: so use those connections
[22:19] Sam: oh yeah
[22:19] Elbel1988: ':-D
[22:19] Sam: because as one of 1700 freshman, I have that kind of pull
[22:19] Elbel1988: i think so
[22:19] Elbel1988: also, tell them that i'll only come if it's free
[22:19] Sam: okay
[22:19] Sam: will do
[22:20] Sam: "Dear Admissions Office,"
[22:20] Sam: I have this friend.
[22:20] Sam: OKay, so I haven't actually met her in real life, but trust me, she's cool
[22:20] Sam: And you should let her in.
[22:20] Elbel1988: just tell them that i ooze loveliness
[22:20] Elbel1988: ooze it
[22:20] Elbel1988: and would ooze it all over campus
[22:20] Sam: No, she didn't send an application; she's beyond that.
[22:20] Elbel1988: and so they should let me in
[22:20] Sam: But yeah, let her come. For free.
[22:21] Sam: Love, Sam
[22:22] Elbel1988: I think the "love" would be a nice touch
[22:22] Elbel1988: also, bribery
[22:22] Elbel1988: and/or death threats
[22:22] Elbel1988: whatever you have to do
[22:22] Elbel1988: i don't wanna micromanage.

Current Location:	Home
Current Mood:	calm
Current Music:	Michael Buble - Home

254 days until graduation.
81 days until South Africa!

Current Location:	home
Current Mood:	sore
Current Music:	Kt Tunstall - Miniature Disasters

Last Wednesday we went to the spa in Bitburg for three hours. You'd think being nakie with a bunch of strangers would be weird, but it really wasn't. Oddly enough, people overall looked better naked than in swim suits. I'm not sure if this speaks to our inability as women to buy flattering swim suits or what, but it's true. It was all very European with a bajillion different rooms -- the best one was the honey room where you slather the delicious bee nectar all over yourself and emerge sweet and soft. Yummy.

Today as busy and productive. I learned how to do CPR and got certified. I ended up in the wrong class, though -- it was the one for healthcare providers. So that was pretty cool. They were all nice about it and I made it through the class successfully. Woot. So, if any of you choke or go into cardiac arrest around me, I can totally like save your life and zap you with an automated external defibrillator. Spiff.

NOW, I just ate dinner and ordered my graduation announcements (8 months and 19 days to go!), and I'm trying to bring myself to do calculus/bio/english/college work. It's harder than you might think with the evil call of Myspace just a click away...

Irony: I tried to post this last night but my Internet mysteriously died for a few hours -- so I had to do my work! :-D

Current Location:	home
Current Mood:	gangsta
Current Music:	Geto Boys - Damn It Feels Good to Be a Gangsta

2) What does September make you think about or feel?
Well, the obvious answer is 9/11, but living in Germany it more feels like being lowered into a giant pit of darkness and cold that you'll be stuck in until, like, June.  *sigh*

3) September is the ninth month; can you name nine memories so far from this year?
Youth Assembly in the Hague in January... nearly getting sent home and all of the drama afterwards.  Midsummer Night's Dream.  Graduation. The Cato seminar in Florida.  Sitting on the porch with Jono and his younger brother in London, playing silly games and eating crackers.  The first day of school and senior crowns. My and Jono's 3 day "break." Scaring off freshmen from our table.

4) What does September have in common with three other months and can you name them?
Pretty fall leaves, like October.
About as cold as it is in, I dunno, March.
A lot of stress, like most other school months, but especially May.

5) The first weekend in September signals the end of summer for many even though it doesn’t really end for weeks. When does summer end for you?
When I go back to school, which was a week ago.

Current Location:	home
Current Mood:	awake
Current Music:	Death Cab for Cutie - Soul Meets Body (RS original)